Micro dosing psilocybin journal [3rd Dose: ego-less BJJ rolls]

This morning, something strange happened. I took the micro dose as usual, but this time I trained Jiu-Jitsu straight after. Thirty minutes into the session, the sensation hit me. It came on stronger than before. The energy in my body. The acidic burn in my chest. The lightness in my mind. I sucked in some deep nose breaths and reassured myself it’s all good. To go with the flow.

Later in the class, we started to roll (that’s combat if you’re unfamiliar with the sport). Each rolling session my body surges with adrenaline. Even though it’s a safe environment, my natural instincts kick in. And, of course, I don’t want to be dominated. I want to win — or at least not get embarrassed in front of my professor.

But today, I was rolling with a carefreeness I’d not felt before. I wasn’t seeking approval from my coach — a behaviour I’m now aware of and recovering from. I even wanted my training partners to put me in difficult positions. So they can improve their attacking game and so I could work on defence. You’d like rolling to always be like that, but in a battle (of sorts), in front of your peers, ego can step in. This session, I felt as if my ego had been left off the mat with my flip-flops and water bottle. I hope to bring this mentality into all my rolls without our fungi friends.